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~celebrindal15

Sushisoba Tenpura Fujiyama NINJA
About Me Member Pencil Artist celebrindal1519/Female/Ireland Recent Activity Deviant for 4 Years
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The Funniest Thing I've Read In A While

Tue May 26, 2009, 4:20 PM
  • Mood: Humor
"Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual un-cleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is: my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Yours,

A Fan"

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Devious Info

  • Interests: music, art, films, 日本語
  • Favourite movie: Hero, L Change the WorLd, Battle Royale, anything really...
  • Favourite band or musician: Gackt, Miyavi, LM.C, Phantasmagoria, 176BIZ, MUCC, IAMX, FF5, HYDE, L'Arc~en~Ciel, An Café
  • Favourite genre of music: Visual kei, Rock, Techno
  • Favourite artist: Vidorulover, Louisalings
  • Favourite style of art: anything traditional
  • MP3 player of choice: Archos 605 (80 gigs baby!) creative zen sleek.
  • Favourite gaming platform: SNES, PS2, Wii
  • Favourite cartoon character: L, Genesis, Pino (Ergo Proxy)
  • Personal Quote: "Gackt?" "What the hell, man?!"
  • Tools of the Trade: pencils, tiny rubber held in a tweezers

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Comments


Your art is killing me with it's awesomenes :faint:

--
"I do, Toyota!"
:giggle: thank you very much!

--
No walls.
Embrace a world as one, where music will guide us.
Guitars instead of guns.
We'll play in harmony. It should be so easy.

Come and dance with me

HYDE - Mission
you too :D

--
No walls.
Embrace a world as one, where music will guide us.
Guitars instead of guns.
We'll play in harmony. It should be so easy.

Come and dance with me

HYDE - Mission
you too :D

--
No walls.
Embrace a world as one, where music will guide us.
Guitars instead of guns.
We'll play in harmony. It should be so easy.

Come and dance with me

HYDE - Mission
great! gallery see ya!

--
"Fight for What you believe!"
thanks!

--
No walls.
Embrace a world as one, where music will guide us.
Guitars instead of guns.
We'll play in harmony. It should be so easy.

Come and dance with me

HYDE - Mission

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